In this post I guide you how to transform old limiting beliefs, transcend them into neutrality, unconditionally accept and respect yourself, and build an unstoppable confidence.
My personal experience with the practices I share with you here not only helped me heal from chronic self-doubts, but also allowed me to fully blossom in my worth as I released the sabotaging fears I carried in the past.
And I believe you are going be transformed as well!
Before heading to read my guidelines please take few minutes (or more) to center yourself in a quiet place and tune to your subconscious mind. Let your intuition guide you and show you, without any judgment, where is the area in your life you need to go first: to reorganize, clean, set in order, and move on from.
Then please evaluate where do you tend to lose your ground, lack enough assertiveness, and fall prey to your our inner critic.
I suggest you write it all down on a piece of paper and come back to it in a week to check if you are making progress. I ask you to commit to this practice for at least 21 subsequent days. You may then continue it as long as you need.
People See Us How We See Ourselves.
Have you ever experienced mirroring people’s attitudes, insecurities, self-judgment, and disparagement? Which is really their own, but you maybe tend to perceive it as directed to you? I know I have! I used to constantly attract experiences that were “proving” to me that I was unworthy of love, happiness and success. The memories of my past were trapped in my subconscious mind and I didn’t know how to move forward. But, no, our past doesn’t define or control us. But we are programmed to assume that it does, until we realize that it doesn’t, and take action to make amends with it and move forward.
- We are constantly affected by our thoughts. Scientists have estimated that 95% of how we mediate our self-perception is directed by and through our subconscious mind.
- When your mind is trapped in negative feelings and memories from your past you continue to emanate them through your present state of being.
- We ALL are a product of our environment but we are also in control to master the way we navigate it to either “break” or “make” us stronger and better. And heal!
Now please take few more minutes to reflect where do you lack enough confidence in your life.
Maybe your parents didn’t show you enough encouragement while you’re growing up?; or in high-school you experienced bullying?; or maybe your loved one(s) abandoned you?; or maybe it was you who feared commitment?; or it’s nothing from the above but you currently face too much stress and anxiety at your work place, and are unable to cope with your apprehension and inability to stand up for yourself, and be confident amidst challenges?; or you struggle to love and accept who you are without the need of external validation of your worthiness?
It takes time to shift from the past, rebuild a positive self-perception, let go of the beliefs about yourself that hold you back, stop caring about what others think, and step confidently in your power.
But you can do it. All you need is yourself, a journal, and a discipline to take the time to explore journey and cultivate the skills you need to become stronger, better, and self-knowledgable.
I. Find your
The first principle of building an unshakeable confidence is to establish your “why.”
Why do you do the things that you do? Why do you dress the way that you do? Why do you avoid certain activities, or chores? Why do you get offended/or elated by particular comments? Why do you tend to attract certain people? Why did you choose the profession that you practice? Why do you feel excited about certain things and/or don’t feel motivated to follow trends that seem to satisfy other people? Or, conversely, why do you take responsibilities that are not yours to take just to please someone else/comply to a social conventionality? Why do you speak, or don’t speak your truth? Why are you reading this post?
What Is Your WHY?
In life, in your relationships, and in your career.
In order to answer to those questions the most truthfully (and metaconsciously) please take a pen and let it out. You might be surprised how much gets revealed in writing, even if you’ve never received high grades on your papers in high-school or college. Because free-writing has nothing to do with creative writing although I must admit it makes it even more enjoyable if you do love writing. Regardless, journaling doesn’t need to sound elaborate, use sophisticated syntax, be proofread, or even make sense. All it takes is curiosity and eagerness to get to know yourself better.
No deep awakening happens overnight (pun intended) and you may need weeks upon weeks (took me a couple of years) to arrive at a place where you can confidently say that you have a comprehensive knowledge of your personality and why do you act, speak and do the things that you do. Yet, every journey has a first step, and this one begins with a daily observation of the ways you communicate, the feelings you experience, and the old beliefs that sometimes haunt you, again and again. And WHY.
Once you know clearly WHY you’re on this earth, what is it that makes you happy and why you would never be happy if you follow a path that doesn’t, confidence becomes a natural expression of how you move through life. No one can budge you when you are rooted in your wholeness.
As the prominent psychologist Carl Rogers said: “The Great Majority of us cannot listen; we find ourselves compelled to evaluate, because listening is too dangerous. But all it takes is courage.”
It is hard to listen to our deepest voice. Because it often says things we don’t want to know, or be reminded of. All it takes is courage. And an eagerness to stipulate your why.
II. Practice Neutrality
After we built the fundamentals of our confidence-house in the first segment now it is going to become easier. Once you develop the knowledge of “why” certain people affect you you would know how to transcend it. People see you as you see yourself.
If you take it to heart when people criticize or judge you, it is because you’re, yet, not confident enough to know why you are who you are. No one is immune to harsh words and negative comments but when we know deep to our core that people’s feedback is a reflection of their reality, and not ours, we can step back and perceive their judgment with more compassion. I go into more detail how to deal with judgment and criticism here. The sooner you embrace your worth, and be bold to take action to change the behavioral traits that hold you back, the way people see you will start to shift as well.
To fully practice neutrality we need to also step back from taking compliments too personally. Of course, receiving words of encouragement, praise and support is a cherished aspect of our communication with our friends and amicable strangers. However, when we become reliant on external encouragement and validation of our worth we begin to entrap ourselves into a co-dependent state of conditionality.
One can`t be confident only when there is an external reinforcement, and neither can be not confident where there is lack of such.
Practicing neutrality correlates to our state of higher consciousness. We are not just bigger than what we think or feel. We are bigger than what we know we can think or feel. In other words, we can only be in control of our environment when we disallow it to control us.
III. Be Your Own Best Friend
At step three we are now building the roof of our confidence structure. Its bricks are self-reliance, self-motivation and self-care.
Having friends and a support group is an integral element of our optimal wellness. We are design to form tribes, belong to a community and engage in frequent social interactions with each other. However, when it comes to building confidence, you need to enter its realms on your own. No one else can do the work for you. Even the people who love and deeply care for you. It is your own responsibility to practice discipline, learn the assignment and show up for yourself. My third practice for you to employ is inner friendship. For the next 21 days reunite to your heart and begin addressing yourself as you were your own best friend.
Would you talk down to your best friend when they experience a struggle?
Would you not comfort them when they feel pain and are discouraged?
Would you not encourage them to be back on track after they lose motivation?
We often times tend to be too harsh on ourselves and too demanding of excellency and perfection. On the other side of the spectrum, a best friend would tell you when you do need to step outside of your comfort zone and grow, and do it in a way that comes from a place of love and care, and not criticism and judgment. A best friend would listen to your fears with empathy but – at a certain point – would also remind you that it is time for you to confront them and move on.
To be confident doesn’t mean we shall act arrogantly or lose humility. Just the opposite, being confident means being humble. We don’t try to prove our worth, we know our worth. We don’t relapse into a negative self-talk because we know how to detach from our fears by transcending them into neutrality; we know how to listen with compassion and let things go.
We don’t demand conformation that we are moving forward because we are following our path, and that’s enough knowledge. We now unconditionally accept ourselves. And have an unstoppable confidence that we are worthy and capable of achieving everything our heart desires.
With love and care,
*If you have question or comments don’t hesitate to send me an e-mail.
I am honored to be your guide.